This post is a little more personal that what I usually post, but as most of the people who read this blog are my good friends outside of the blogging world, I feel justified in sharing it.
One of my favorite songs from Richie's solo albums has always been 'Undiscovered Soul'. There's just something about the lyrics, the story, that I have always identified with and felt connected to. And most of you know that tomorrow, for the first time in my life, I will be moving away from the only home I've ever known and finishing my last two years of college at a university three hours away.
I've said my goodbyes to family and friends all week, so I've already done the sad and the bittersweet. This isn't meant to be either - it's meant to be reflective and perhaps even inspiring, as I was so moved by Richie's words when I was listening to US for the upteenth time earlier.
I'm excited. I will finally have a place to call my semi-own (I will have a roommate, after all), be fully independent from my parents, and have the freedom to experience a bit more of the world on my own. I am already well-traveled for someone my age, but I long to do much, much more of it, and see the world someday.
This is the first step in that ambitious dream - and it's both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. I'm only moving a few hours away, yes, but for the first time in my life, I won't be under my parents' roof. I will never live full-time with my family again, in the house where I grew up and hold most of my memories. I'm stepping out into the "great unknown" and beginning the journey to finding myself.
Because I don't know who I am yet. Not entirely. I have always prided myself on being sure of my convictions, my beliefs, my personality and interests. I've remained "true" to myself through the years, never sacrificing what I truly believe to be right, no matter the situation. But in the last two years especially, after visiting Europe - entirely new and foreign territory - for the first time (and then the second and third times), I've changed in ways I couldn't even have fathomed before I left. I've grown, matured, broadened my mind, and seen things in new lights.
And I knew before that was all part of growing up. But I hadn't done it before.
So I'm excited to see where this world is going to take me. What it's going to show me about people, and life, and love. But most importantly, I'm excited to see what it's going to show me about me. I haven't discovered all the depths of my being yet, and it's enthralling to know I have parts still yet to be unlocked and understood.
In the search for our salvation
Relentlessly we climb
Just looking for a reason
In creation's grand design
If patience is a virtue
Then let us humbly begin
We'll be here waiting
Till our ship comes sailing in...
So I stand here an undiscovered soul, if you will. Ready to march out there and say, "World, here I come!" Ready to face it, grab it by the collar, and make it show me the ropes. But I'm not set on a sure path. I don't know where I'm going. I'm heading out with no compass other than that pointing toward unknown territory and adventure.
And in doing so, I'm leaving my comfort zone - something I've never wholly or even willingly dared. I was perfectly happy in my own little safety circle. And now I have to leave it. My heart is full of hope, my mind full of ambition and dreams, my belly full of nerves. But there's one important step I have to take before that can all happen.
I'm taking it tomorrow.
She's scared to go, but still she says goodbye...
